i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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