I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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