I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
