he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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