There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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