Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
