the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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