it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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