i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
