I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish i was in the wii world.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
