mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
