woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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