textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
