he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
