Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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