he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
