my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
