i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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