I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
