Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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