john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
