9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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