On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
