Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
