I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i out mim tonsoeep
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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