Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
