Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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