arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
