Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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