Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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