i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
