Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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