I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Holy shit dude........stairs
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