This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
