she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
