Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
