OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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