are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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