You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
