If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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