TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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