you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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