he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
