So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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