belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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