So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
