All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
