I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
