you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
