Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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